I received a very interesting letter, supposedly from OPEC, via E-mail. I’m sure that many of you E-mail users also received it. For those who haven’t, I wanted to share its contents, for its many satirical truths that we Americans have ignored for too long.
We are at war with you infidels and have been since the embargo in the 1970s. You are so arrogant – you haven't even recognized it. You have more missiles, bombs, and technology; so we are fighting with the best weapon we have and extracting on a net basis about $700 billion/year out of your economy. We will destroy you -- "Death to the Infidels"!
We would also like to thank you for not developing your 250-300 year supply of oil shale and tar sands. We know if you did this, it would create millions of jobs for US citizens, expand your engineering capabilities, and keep the wealth in the US instead of sending it to us to finance our war against you bastards.
Thanks for limiting Department of Defense purchases of petroleum products originating from the oil sands from your neighbors to the north. We love it when you confuse your allies.
Thanks for over regulating every segment of your economy and thus delaying, by decades, the development of alternate fuel technologies.
Thanks for limiting drilling off your coasts, in Alaska, and anywhere there is a bug, bird, fish, or plant that might be inconvenienced. Better that your people suffer!
Glad to see your lobbying efforts have been so effective on corn based Ethanol. Praise Allah for this sham program! Perhaps you will destroy yourself from the inside with these types of policies. This is a gift from Allah, praise his name! We never would have thought of this one! This is better than when you pay your farmers NOT TO GROW FOOD. Have them use more energy to create less energy, and simultaneously drive food prices through the roof. Thank you, thank you and thank you -- US Congress!!!!
And finally, we appreciate you letting us fleece you without end. You will be glad to know we have been accumulating shares in your banks, real estate, and publicly held companies. We also finance a good portion of your debt and can now manipulate your markets, currency, and economies to our benefit.
THANK YOU AMERICA!"
Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC)